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Skiatatuk Speaks
Communiqué No. 10,448

Query
Oh Skiatatuk, please speak to me. As a new-born, I was circumcized. As a child and teen-ager I thought little about this. But as an adult, I have developed a growing resentment against this involuntary mutilation. In moments of intimacy especially my feelings about what was done to my body become at times frighteningly strong. Often I wonder if my partner somehow sees me as inferior. I know it's obsessive-compulsive, but there have been moments when it seems that not only my body but my entire life has been irreparably scarred, and I plunge into deep depression. Please help.
                                      --Foreskinless in Fort Wayne

Response
What the fuck. Fore! I've been living in this river of shit for more than two million years and I'm gettin' tired of it (to paraphrase the Fugs). Some may think your focus on a lost foreskin is a trivial problem compared to what others suffer. But yours is only a lesser version of a problem so large that it encompasses as far as I and my co-discarnates can tell all realms seen and unseen and is thus approximately the size of God's dick, as it were.

The inequity of the problems that all bodies--not to mention minds--are heir to, that's what you're mouthing off about, Fore. So where do you need me to go with this? You want some bullshit references to karma (which is a rather primitive way of imagining a vast system of retribution), or a fast elephantshit rap on the Day of Judgment (nuff said), or how about a quick, slick in-and-out visit to the randomized universe of total indifference given you by the myopic Ph.D.-ed dingleberries of self-styled "science"? See where that gets us? Precisely nowhere.

Problem is, man, me (us) trying to talk about this to you all is like Vonnegut's Tralfamadorians (who can see all time) trying to talk about free will to earthlings with your linear, blindered view of events ("I had a good fuck last night; I don't know what'll happen tonight because that's in the FUTURE").

Still, I'm willing to try to cum up with a bit of Super-cosmic Jism for you. Here cums a new phrase you're gonna love like sperm love ova:

"Transtemporal personality."

Not bad, huh? Excuse the California Newspeak, but the truth is, Fore, you ARE a part (both now and evermore, he-he) of something much, much larger. You are connected (as intimately as possible) with many other "personalities" in many different places and many different TIMES. And. Fore, here's the good news: lots of 'em got skin. And, believe me, you got plenty of fucking attributes that THEY wish they had.

As Ms. Myra Breckinridge said so well, "Nothing is what it seems, and what nothing seems is false." Couldn't have put it better myownself.

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