Magellan's Log: Tasteless Jokes 84

Tasteless Jokes 84

The Thinking Man's Bartender
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A fellow came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?:

The man replied, "150."

So the robot proceeded to make conversation about quantum physics, string theory, atomic chemistry, and so on.

The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."

The man decided to test the robot. He walked out the bar, turned around, and came back in for another drink. Again, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responded, "100." So the robot started talking about football, baseball, and so on.

The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is amazing."

The man went out and came back in a third time. As before, the robot asked him, 'What's your IQ?' The man replied, "50."

The robot then said, "So, you gonna vote for Bush again?"

Adorable is as adorable does
Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."

Smarty-pants
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over toward the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends. All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Christianity: The Multi-cultural View
Three good arguments that Jesus could have been Black:
    1. He called everyone "brother."
    2. He liked Gospel.
    3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

Three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
    1. He went into his Father's business.
    2. He lived at home until he was 33.
    3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother
        was sure he was God.

Three equally good arguments that Jesus could have been Italian:
    1. He talked with his hands.
    2. He had wine with every meal.
    3. He used olive oil.

Three equally good arguments that Jesus could have been a Californian:
    1. He never cut his hair.
    2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
    3. He started a new religion.

And three equally good arguments that Jesus could have been Irish:
    1. He never got married.
    2. He was always telling stories.
    3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all—three arguments that Jesus could have been a woman:
    1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
    2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men
        who just didn't get it.
    3. And even when he died, he had to get up because there was
        more work to do.

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