—Midland, TX. Though presently mired in the necessary, well-led war on terrorism, we must never lose sight of America’s larger role in the world, which is to spread hope among the hopeless hordes, the misguided masses, and other vainglorious victims of enemy propaganda. To that end, I have come up with a motto for America’s new, global role in the worldwide fight for freedom, justice and the unhindered spread of free-market capitalism.

Before I reveal my new motto for us, let me give you a little historical background.

One of our previous great Republican presidents woke us up from his Democrat predecessor’s "malaise in America" by reminding us that under his regime it was truly once again "morning in America."

Remember how good we all felt in those hay days of the 1980s when we could freely harvest the bounty of trickle-down economics? Anybody willing to get out there and work, borrow a little money from the local S&L, start a new business, build a new shopping center was bound to succeed bigtime in the good old American way.

And of course it all climaxed gloriously in that great president’s successor’s term with the utter and total collapse once and for all of the "evil empire."

No sooner than that victory was tasting sweet in all our mouths, here came the wily Democrat Party determined to get back in power by hook or crook. And with a fast-talking two-timing Arkansas con man—oh him of unbridled lust!—they did.

Look where it got us. The biggest stock market bubble in world history and lots of looking the other way while the Al Queda guys got in some serious pilot training. Not to mention the global embarrassment of forcing our Congresspersons to bring him to heel through impeachment and the spread of restroom-wall words throughout the land.

Then came Midland’s own, riding to the rescue like some pious, born-again 21st century Wyatt Earp.

If he hasn’t brought peace to the world through his God-given War on Terrorism, then I wouldn’t know peace if it walked up and hit me in the face.

Not only that. Think, please, dear, dear readers, about the other blessings and blossomings he has bestowed on us, bringing America—and the world!—again, finally, on the road to the full flower of the many freedoms we still enjoy:

An SUV in every garage.
All, and I do mean ALL, the bad guys locked up in prison for good long terms, thus making the streets of America safe for walking and other healthy outdoor activities.
Having the unlimited courage to keep humane-injection guys back at Huntsville penitentiary in his home state busy busy busy so as to remind the few bad guys still outside our capacious prison walls of just what awaits them if they go too far in their criminal ways.
Putting the backbone of zero-tolerance back in the good ol’ U.S. Constitution where it belongs through the tough-love blessings of the so aptly named Patriot Act and the gruff but benevolent oversight of blessed John Ashcroft.
Putting alleged "global warming" back where it belongs, confined to the whining pulp-paper pages of socialist publications such as (you should pardon the expression) Mother Jones, The Nation, and The New York Times, by taking this country out of such beggarly, third-world conspiracies as the Kyoto Protocols and that whole mess of free-thinking folderol whose only purpose is to enwealthen tiny fake tinhorn alleged democracies and deprive the rest of us of our right to protect our families by owning and driving as many 5,000-pound vehicles as we want.
Taking the mountain to Mohammad, so to speak, by showing that not only does America walk softly and carry a big stick but just how big our stick is and how happy we are to use it to shape up anybody who thinks otherwise.
Finally—and most importantly—reducing and reducing and reducing the intolerable tax burden under which we’ve all been laboring these many years since FDR and his alleged brain-trust, so that now we get to keep a fair amount of the money we work so hard for, and not only that, can sleep better nights knowing what kind of America we are going to leave to our children, that being an America with a national debt so big that the federal government will simply have to shut down all its wasteful, socialists excesses except for essential services such as the Department of Defense and the Post Office.

You put all this together, faithful reader, and what you have is (here comes my motto for the next Bush campaign, and for the entire coming decades of the so-called 21st century):