Those who persist in using the old definitions and the old rules are doomed to failure, imprisonment, deportation, or worse.

Any thinking person can see that the Department of Justice is now in fact the Department of Injustice. Not only does this NOT MATTER, but if you persist in pointing out this new reality, you are putting your MBA, your SUV, and your 21% A.P.R. MasterCard at risk.

The same cautionary stance applies to the Department of Defense, so recently morphed into the Department of Pre-emptive War, and the Department of Education, which at this very moment is in the process of becoming the Department of Faith-based Indoctrination, i.e., the Department of Religion.

We are all creatures of habit, but in exciting times of imperial expansion it behooves us ALL to have a clear understanding of the way things are and NOT be stuck in the old rut of believing things are still the way we used to think they are.

On the following two pages, we have assembled as many of the new rules of imperial behavior as we have been able to identify. It is still early days, empire-wise.

The first page is "Imperial Verities: The Macro Rules." The second page is "Imperial Verities: The Micro Rules."

The pages are formatted for easy printing. We urge you, as a would-be successful imperial subject, to print, clip, and save both lists.