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Magellan's Log Books & CDs
"Giving well is the best revenge."
Gifts for yourself, and for any of your friends who are still awake and thinking. All drawn from the sometimes boistrous, sometimes beautiful pages of Magellan's Log. Click here for more info about, among other things, the funniest book of the 21st century (so far).

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(Scroll down if you want to skip the self-congratulatory stuff.)

The Best of Magellan's Log
wpe11.jpg (3638 bytes)4th Anniversary: 1999-2003!
Four Years! 3,600 Pages!

10,000,000 Hits and counting...
June 15, 2003

"I was born to shiver in the draft of an open mind."
                         --Samson Shilitoe.
                                                        

Our namesake's expedition needed almost three years (1519-1522) to go around the world. Here we are, after four years, still sailing along with no end in sight.

What a trip!

To celebrate, we've culled statistics and polled staff and pulled together several best-of lists. Below, you'll find links to what readers liked most and other lists of what the editors and writers liked most.

When we started, we fearlessly mixed metaphors and described our proposed voyage in architectural terms. The idea was to create a vast, varied Internet site reflecting as many aspects of culture as we could work up an interest in, a virtual structure with rooms large and small, simple and elaborate, serious and funny, weird and beautiful, some silent and some filled with music.

That we have done.

What we didn't expect was how much events would affect the shape of many parts of the structure. The turn of the millennium we were already writing about early on. But then came the 2000 presidential election, the market crash, 9-11, Iraq...

If our Number One Patron Saint is old Ferdinand Magellan himself, then our Number Two Guy is Jonathan Swift. As unsettling events unfolded, though we continued in our wide-ranging exploratory mode into poorly mapped cultural areas, out came the satirical pens, duly sharpened, and we went to work on the various new (and old) sacred cows.

Though we lost a lot of readers who worship the new/old fatted calves of unquestioning patriotism and free-market greed, clearly we spoke to many more new readers. The curve of our global readership has continued to climb. For that we are grateful, partly because it means we are communicating successfully, but mostly because it means we're not alone in this world where so many persons in positions of great power seem truly hell-bent on destruction, exploitation, and the dictatorship of deceit.

Thank you for staying with us. I suspect at least the short-term future is going to require a lot more hand-holding and hugging--and also most likely a great deal more satire.

For now, scroll down and enjoy the Best of the First Four Years of Magellan's Log. Maybe in the lists below you'll find some buried treasure that you missed the first time around.

--Doc Cuddy, Editor.
Houston, June, 2003.

                                                                            

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ART   BEAUTY    BOOKS   CHILIASM   COMPUTERS   CULTURE     EMPIRE    FUN   ESL    HOME   HUMOR    IMAGES   LETTERS    LIT LITE   MISCELLANY
MUSIC   POLITICS   RANDOM   SATIRE  SELF-HELP   SEX  TECHNOLOGY   TRAVEL  RELIGION   SERVICES  TESTS  THINK  WEIRD  ZEN  ABOUT US

Special Issue
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"Is the voyage worth making that does not enhance awareness of our shared humanity?"

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SITE MAP

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Special Issues:
1. 9-11-01
2. Best & Worst
3. Fiction
4. Ideas
5. Monochrome
6. Music
7.Myra Breckinridge
8. Negativity
9. Texas Zen Hymnbook
10. Wordless
11. Iris Murdoch
12. The Best of Magellan's Log
13. Montages de l'Empire.

Chiliastic Hideon

The Idea Man.

Letters

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The
Texas
Chapbook
Press

Copyright © 2000

Masthead
Staff Biographies

"Giving well is the best revenge."
  --Douglas Milburn.

 

** = The best of the best.

Best Satire
Alien Graffiti Discovered in Mexico!!!**
   Are You an Internet Sex Addict?
ARSE (Akashic Records Search Engine).
   Dark Canon.
The Dick Principle.
   Dubya Makes a New Friend.
Galactic Grade Report.
   Genuflection Now!
**
Is It Empire Yet?
   Is Masturbation a Crime Against God?
**
Is Your Nation's Leader an Extra-terrestrial in       Disguise?
**
   The Magellan's Log Universal Prayer.
The Magellan's Log Unofficial TIPS Checklist.
Millennial Culture-at-a-Glance
.
   Misadventures in English.
Misothamnisty!
   MLMPI.
**
The New Revised Ten Commandments.
   Ora Shay's Columns.
Propitiation for Beginners.
**
   P.I.S.P.A.
P.T.B.D.
   The Randys.
So You Want to Be a Real American.
   Time Travel: Back to the Present.**
2028 and All That.
   Westward Ho!
Winstat.
   Yoicks R Us.

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Best Graphic Features
Beautiful Dreamer.**
   Bodies.
Bye-bye, Best Products.
   Chinese Classical Landscape Paintings.
**
50 Plus.
   Flat Heat.
Flöh Haz: On Inferring the Existence of Trees.
   Grand Canyon Breaks.
The Hudson River.
   Matched Pairs.
Me and My Century.
   Mother Jones in the Gloaming.
One Picture Is Worth 200,000,000 Words.
   Quote Me This.
Rosson's Rocks.
**
   Santa Fe.
St. Basil Chapel.
   Sept petits objets de méditation.
Some Thousands of Years Ago.
   Squaring the Circle.
Thomas Cole: A Shared Vision.
**
   21 flowers.
The World's Dirtiest Picture.
   Magellan's Log 34: The Wordless Issue
Writ in Stone.
   Zen Centerfold No. 1.
**

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Best Maps
Iris Murdoch: Fragments of a Re-cognition.**
   Joy.
Lascaux Redux: The Origin of Sub-Species.
   Metapathy in Action.
9-11 vs. 11-1.
**
   Out of the Mouths of Babes.
Pong et seq.
   The Rape of Chopin.
Saltlick.
**
   Second Nature.

Trennungsangst.
   US Vs. THEM.
The Walking Wounded.
   Walls Walls Walls
We Live in a Library.
   Wings of Song
Wrong Notes & Imperfect Pitch.
   Yoga Tip.
**

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Best Music Features
Against Sepsis in a Time of Contagion.
   Audio-Visual Enema.
The Bad Midi Jukebox.
**
   Ballade for a Piano.
Beethoven and Barnett Newman.
   Canons & Rounds.
c u b e z.
   Disgustingly Eurocentric Music Quiz.
Fenestration.
   F O G.
The Franz Liszt Jukebox.
**
   Happy Ears 65.
Holy Halls.
   How to Yo-yo.
John Cage: 4:33.
**
   Miserere.
Nostalgia Ain't What It Used to Be.
   One Light.
One Path? Many Paths?
   On Hearing Lang Lang.
PAX NOVUM.
**
   Shiva Dancing
Skintones.
   The Tennessee Waltz.
Texas Zen Hymnbook.
**
   Treemonisha.
The 20th Century in 20 Minutes.
   The Visitation.
Walkabout.
   Water.
The World's Fastest Bach.
   You gotta s-m-i-l-e.
Der Zaubergarten.

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Best Books
Alphabet Soup: Drugs in America.
   The Boys Across the Street.
Don't Read This Book!
**
Hallelujah! A Real Pro at Work!
   Island Revisited.
**

Johnny Got What?
**
   Myra Breckinridge: An American Epiphany.
A Thousand Hounds.
   Tory! Tory! Tory!
Tree Talks.
**

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Bombs (Stuff We Probably Shouldn't Have Done, or Should Have Done Differently, or Better... Whatever)
I.Q.
   The Maggots of Belsen.
Phalloi & Vulvae.

   Rootless.
R U Vaginally Challenged?
   Unscientific Questions.

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Readers' All-time Favorites
(based on 4 years of daily stats)

1. SETI Global Computer Usage.
2. Johnny Got His Gun.
3. Germans R Us.
4. Nekkid People.
5. Magellan's Route.
6.
Optical Illusions.
7. Filicide.
8.
George Grosz.
9.
Chinese Landscape Paintings.
10. Saltlick.
11. Marionette Theater.

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Best Commentary/Analysis
The Absurd Behavior of Electrons.
   The Age of Hideology.
America the Disjunctive: Musings on Alienated Children,
   American Censorship: Prisons of Arrogance.
The American Empire: How Long, How Long?
   Architectural Conundrum.
Beyond Venturi: Son of Learning from Las Vegas.**
   Blinders Begone!
Cars & Crystal Balls.
   Cats, Cowboys, and Capitalists.
Caveat Cyberpunk!
   Cel-a St-ll Sh-ts.
The Crib Makers.
   Cut 'em Again, Harder, Harder.
DIY Hermits.
   Dr. Strangelove Redux.**
Dolce far niente.
   Dominion and Illusion.
Double Double Whammy Whammy.
   Enter, Wilderness.**
The Flotsam and Jetsam of Crawford, Texas.
   Future Tensed.
Germans R Us.**
   La Giocanda Nuova.
Is It Dictatorship Yet?
   July 20, 1969, and All That.**
Let 'Em Speak Greek.
   Microsoft & the Texas Railroad Commission.**
Moments Musicaux.
   The New Frankenstein.
9-11 and In-your-face Hatred, Insanity... and Hope.**
   9-11 vs. 11-1.
The Pooh Profits.
   75 Years' War.**
Tainted Words and the Problem of Religion.
   A Tale of Two Icons.
Thought Unbound.
   The 20th Century in 20 Minutes.
The View from Louisiana.
   Voting Patterns.
Which Are the Bad Guys?

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Best Rants
The Age of Arrogance.
   The Baby Puritans.
**
Canon Fodder.
**
   Caveat Cyberpunk!
Country Bumpkins.
   Demonocracy.
**
Doom. v. Joy.

   The Guns of September.
**
Hearing Is Believing.
   Homophobia: Unlucky Us.
**
Interior Trends.
   In the Gloaming.
It's the Ontogeny Recapitulating the Phylogeny, Stupid!
**
   It's the Teachers, Stupid!

Me! Me! Me!
   Minds Like Ours.
Mutants R Us.

   Les naivités dangereuses.
No Joy in Mudville.
   Prig Presidents & Forgotten Revolutions.
Pseudo-Texans and Other Fake Cowboys I Have Known.
   Skipping the 21st Century.
The Spitting Image.
   Stammtisch Homeboys.
Texas Daddies.
**
   THEM vs. US. vs. HER.
Tongue Guns.
   Understanding Our Modern Age in 50 Words or Less.
A Very Brief Essay on the Origin of Anthropomorphic Deities.
   Welcome back, history!
What Happened to Movies That Matter?
   "Who Ate la Plume de Ma Tante?"
**

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Best Stuff That Doesn't Fit Any Category
After Shocks.
   Cross-stitch Prayers for the 3rd Millennium.**
The Great Fallacy.**
   Handle with Care.
Howlers High & Low.
   How Will We Know When the Millennium Has REALLY Arrived?
Huang's Law.
   Irrational Exuberances.
The Magellan's Log Complete & True Timeline of Critical
Landmarks & Essential Dates in Human History, Including
Several Things Your Eighth Grade Teacher Never Mentioned.

   Laissez-foutre.
"The Little King, An American Fairy Tale,"**
   A Little Thought Experiment for the Rich & Powerful.
M.U.L.E .
   Pentimento.
PHOTON'S LAMENT.
   Potholes of Prose.
The Quiet Ecstasy of Piety.
   Reading Readiness.
Shared Roots.
   TV Commercials as Haiku.
Unicorn News.
   Walls: A Meditation on Power.
When Art Smarts.
   The Wise and Foolish Virgins One More Time.

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Best Weird/Off-beat Stuff
Ancient Paradox Mocks Docs.**
   The Arrogance of Vision.
The Cocksucker Sings of Paradise.
   Englewood Entropy.
Fear and Loathing in the 21st Century.**
   Free Beauty & Ryan Geiss.
Hymnlet to the Night.
   Implications.
Johnny Appleseedlings.
   Laissez-foutre.
Laws of the Universe.
   Lingams & Yonis.**
A Normal Person Wouldn't Steal Pituitaries.
   Nought for All & All for Nought.
Plant a Seed in the Desert.
   Problems in Modern Living.
The Quantum Effect in Daily Life.**
   Random Pages.
Risins.**
   Sex Trivia.
Strata: A Theologico-metaphysical Thought Experiment for the Stout of Brain and the Desperate of Heart.
   Ten Words: Introduction and Contents.
Thought-provoker.
   The Titanium Notebooks.**
War Clouds.
   What Is Texas Mysticism Anyway?
The Willed Suspension of Belief.**

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Best Self-help Tests
Are You a Curmudgeon?
   Churchgoers' Delight: Rate Your Religion.
Fear and Loathing in the 21st Century.
   Gluttony.
How Corrupt Is Your Country?
**
   The Importance of Being Professional.
**
M.A.D. (Millennial Affective Disorder).
   M.A.T. Test.
The New Millennium Inkblot Test.
   The Primrose Path Game.
The Quantum Effect in Daily Life.
   S.A.T. Supplementary Questions for the Reality-challenged.
Snob Test.
**
   S.U.V. Driving Test.
You Are What You See.

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