Tasteless Jokes 67

A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

A guy named David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully-grown, with a bad attitude and even worse vocabulary. Every other word was a swear word. Those that weren't four-letter words were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, basically anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked.
He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got angrier and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk, kick and scream. Then suddenly there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute.
David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg for your forgiveness."
David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask him what had made such a dramatic change, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken in there did?"

The Aggie comes home one day from work, hangs up his coat, takes off his hat and walks into his bedroom shouting "honey I am home!" What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife. Infuriated, he rushes to the cupboard, pulls out his gun and puts it to his head. His wife starts laughing. "Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!"

Then there was the disaster In College Station's largest shopping mall. They had a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.

How does the Aggie mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on? Simple: Yellow in the front, Brown in the back!

They had to close the zoo in College Station. The duck died. They also had to close the Texas A&M library. Someone stole the book.