Tasteless Jokes 55

A harried father is flying through the Toys-R-Us aisles before Christmas looking for a present for his daughter. He spies the display of various Barbie dolls, all in individual boxes. Ever mindful of a volume discount, he approaches a nearby employee and asks her, "Does Barbie come with Ken?" The employee smiles and tells him, "No, Barbie only comes with G.I Joe. She just fakes it with Ken."

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose?

That night,the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He sure is, lady," said the Captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

Typical Missouri Road Sign.

Q: Why do they call camels "Ships of the desert?"
A: Because they are filled with Arabian semen.

A guy returns home from his regular club meeting carrying a trophy. His wife asks him how he earned it. He says, I won it in a longest penis contest. She says, My, how awful, to show your penis in front of all those men. He says, It wasnt that bad. I only had to show enough to win.

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies buzzed in and landed, one in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink. He then held the pesky insect out over the mug and started yelling "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland.

When the man tells her the call will cost $300, she exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"

To that the man asks "Anything??"

And the blonde says "yes.. Anything"!! With that, the man says,   "Follow me" ..He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does. He then says "Get on your knees." She does. He then says take down my zipper." She does. He then says "Go ahead... Take it out."

She takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands. The man then says "Well.. Go ahead!"

She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says "HELLO, MOM?"

Two Aggies were standing in the park. One had a new bike. The other said, "Nice bike. How much?" The first said , "It was free." The other asked, "Wow, how did you get it for free?" The one with the bike said," Yesterday a beautiful girl rode up on this bike, took off all her clothes and told me I could have anything I wanted." The other Aggie said, "Good move! Her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway"

Q : How many Aggies does it take to eat a possum?
A : Three. One to eat the possum and two to watch for cars.

An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumbles into a podiatrist's office instead and weaves over to the receptionist. Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, "Stick it through that curtain."

Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pulls out his penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtains. "That's not a foot!" screamed the receptionist.

"Holy shit, lady. I never knew you had a minimum!" replied the drunk.