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Copyright © 2003

The
Texas
Chapbook
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Masthead
Staff Biographies

"Giving well is the best revenge."

Me v. Me &
You v. You
America's the problem? No. America's a problem. The problem is six billion tyrant egos and six billion temper tantrums that last three score and ten.

B.A.P.T.O.W.
Mme Petrofina-Blavatsky is back, with an incendiary message from one of her 238 spirit guides about what's behind the current church-sex headlines. Hint: BAPTOW = "The Baptist Ascensionary Plot to Take Over the World."

The Labors of Hercules,
Nos. 84,531-84,539
Photos by Colice Jeanne Pisgah. Slideshow with music (2:49).

How Will We Know
When the Millennium
Has REALLY Arrived?

La Giocanda Nuova
Cassandra, our in-house prophet, is back, working at a new level of spleen vented and bitterness uttered. The worst part is, she's smiling about it all.

Cel-a St-ll Sh-ts
Nimo Calardic takes us far below the surface of 9-11, probing for the unpleasant truth behind the trauma. Not for the weak of stomach.

Think of a place where cigarettes are perceived as more of a threat to human health than machine guns, where a casual acquaintance will offer you the use of their apartment with all their belongings included, where almost everyone believes in some god or other and where the outside world, unless it intrudes with bombs, is largely ignored! Surely we cannot pretend to understand such a society entirely. It will always be something else, a world unto itself, a Western Heavenly Empire, a China of our imagination, a place to admire, to be grateful to, and to be baffled by forever.
              --Hans Magnus Enzensberger, in Granta 77.

Magellan's Log Books & CDs
"Giving well is the best revenge."
Gifts for yourself, and for any of your friends who are still awake and thinking. All drawn from the sometimes boistrous, sometimes beautiful pages of Magellan's Log. Click here for more info about, among other things, the funniest book of the 21st century (so far).

The Divine Right
of Texas Daddies
Political Editor Joel Fluker reveals the unsettling truth behind Dubya's fake sangfroid--and the people who made Dubya what he is today.

Herrje, Herrje!
Magellan's Log has published odd stuff. Now we raise our own bar with this obscurantist German poem from an anonymous reader. As much for our own benefit as for yours, we've included a rough English translation. Explanations will have to be of your own devising.

The Magellan's Log
Universal Prayer
No matter the situation--in the weekly worship service, preparing the boys for war, or just asking for blessings before a meal, you never need be at a loss for words again. Just fill in the blanks in our one-size-fits-all prayer and a direct line to [insert residence of your deity] ______ will open for you and yours!

Bye-bye, Best Products
Diebold Essen fondly recalls one of the iconic buildings of the second half of the 20th century, then makes a visit to see how it's doing. Story plus panoramic photo.

Nostalgia Ain't What It Used to Be
Idle hands in our graphics department led to this slide-show of long-gone stuff, with midi (2:13).

Tasteless Jokes 54.
Roll of the Dice. Click here to be whisked to a random page in the archives.

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Magellan's Log 55