2. I mean, there must’ve been something because of what was about to happen, but don’t ask me how there could be both something and nothing at the same time.

3. Then there was this Big Bang and everything that wasn’t Nothing exploded and started moving OUT bigtime and just kept on moving out forever.

4. Well, almost forever until it would run out of steam and then start moving back IN bigtime, but that's a whole other story.

5. Soon enough, stuff sort of coalesced into other stuff and before you know it there were like stars and planets and galaxies and so on by the trillion.

6. On some of these planets muck didn’t form and on others it did.

7. And the muck became goo, the goo, gunk, and before you know it here came seedlings and spores and all manner of pretty complicated stuff considering it came from your basic goo.

8. Meanwhile, back in space, things were falling into place nicely with smaller bodies whirling around larger bodies, and larger bodies joining hands as it were to whirl together around stars, and then stars joining hands bigtime to whirl around Mean Old Black Holes and so on and so on.

9. One result of all this whirling was night and day which, mixed with a bit of tilting here and a few cosmic rays there pretty soon created time and seasons and years and eras and lots and lots of eons.

10. The muck and the whirling and the seedlings and eons went on and on and soon enough, lo, wee creatures crept forth from the bottom of the muck and started swimming about in the clearer muck called water.

11. Becoming bored with this after some 3.4⁷ million years, a few of the more determined wee creatures pulled themselves landward out of the deep dark muck and kept on pulling till, lo, legs sprouted, which soon led to more legs, then lungs, and eventually, because everybody just kept on keeping on, to the sprouting of hands, faces, ears, nipples, penises, wings, and all manner of other interesting and useful organs.

12. There was a lot more crawling / creeping / slithering / galomphing / burrowing / and flying about for quite a long time, and everybody became better and better at whatever it was they were doing, be it crawling or creeping or slithering or galomphing or burrowing or flying.

13. Again, as always, eventually boredom set it. The molecules, neutrons, protons, etc. involved in all this crawling / creeping / slithering / galomphing / burrowing / and flying said enough is enough and the next day one of the slitherers (or it could’ve been one of the crawlers or one of the creepers, who knows) surprised everybody and stood UP.

14. Which impressed those were weren’t standing up quite a bit and caused many others to try to stand UP.

15. Intermittent success soon led to a pretty large group of standees who, though having some difficulties in this new position with sex and lower back pain, before long discovered that words were better than grunts and next thing you know there was civilization and war and haute cuisine and Diet Sprite and all manner of MIRV's and IPO’s and SUV’s.

16. Those without food and toys clamored with great volume and dissonance for food and toys and, lo, some with great hordes of food and toys, shared maybe 1% and were much praised and lauded for the sharing even though everybody knew it was all tax-deductible.

17. Annually, the cleverest of the standees would cough and wheeze their way through rampant pollution and ever-warmer air to Stockholm where everybody would pin medals on the smartest standees who would deliver speeches congratulating themselves on their cleverness and the general correctness of their rather narrow-minded way of knowledge.

2. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

3. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

4. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

5. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

6. And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

7. And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

8. And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

9. And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.

10. And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.

11. And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.

12. And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

13. And the evening and the morning were the third day.

14. And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

15. And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

16. And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

17. And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,

18. And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.

19. And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

20. And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

21. And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

22. And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.

23. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

24. And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.

25. And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

26. And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

27. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

28. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

29. And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

30. And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.