No. 13 in an On-going Series
Importation Intent
by Nfubi Kwaadutu
Editor's Note:
Readers will recall that our farthest-flung correspondent, Nfubi Kwaadutu, stationed in
N'Djamena, Republic of Chad, broke the story in December, 2000, of Katherine Harris's
pending appointment as "ambassadortrix" to the Republic of Chad. Since Ms.
Harris apparently declined the appointment in order to busy herself with running for
Congress (her election and subsequent appearance in the offices of the renowned Tom DeLay
will of course give whole new meaning to the term "majority whip"), Mr. Kwaadutu
has fallen into some kind of writing funk. But lo, twice in the last month, we received
communiqués from him which indicate a revival of his investigative spirit.
Esteemed Editor In Chief:
As you can see from the letter below, my indefatigably hard-working journalistic
presence here in N'Djamena and environs has raised the profile and prestige of Magellan’s'
Log to unprecedented levels (and, unavoidably, has brought some smaller degree of
fame to its local Bureau Chief as well, although that certainly was not my intent), to the
point that we are becoming a magnet for some extremely attractive proposals from the
political and business elite of this continent. I think it was very wise of you to
approach the initial offer
that I forwarded to you a few weeks ago with classically Texan restraint and prudence,
and this astuteness on your part is now beginning to pay great dividends.
By not accepting that paltry offer, you have made it abundantly clear to Africa's
bureaucratic elite that Magellan's Log does not stoop to small-potatoes
corruption. This highly principled stand that you have taken has, just as I expected,
elicited a far more lucrative offer from another source who realized that we are indeed
major players in the world of international economic affairs. I humbly recommend that you
give the following offer from Dr. David Spiff some serious consideration, and have your
legal department and Chief Financial Officer prepare some feasibility reports about
pursuing a the proposed arrangement with him.
It is my considered opinion that US$6.2 million is a reasonable sum to engage Magellan's
Log's participation, and given the cost of bandwidth nowadays, I'm sure that you
could put the funds to good philanthropic use. I've also heard, through my ongoing
clandestine contacts with Katherine Harris, that Dick Cheney and Jeb Bush would be quite
happy to help facilitate this deal in return for the usual commission, and that Jeb is
particularly eager to enter into the operation because the bills for his daughter's
prescription medicine have been mounting of late. I utterly admire his determination to
adhere to his elevated conservative principles and pay those costs himself, rather than
succumb to single-payer health care or any other initiative-sapping form of socialized
medicine nonsense.
Of course, should you decide to turn down this offer, I would fully understand the
wisdom and high principle of your decision. Such a courageous act would only raise the
ante for the next offer.
Sincerely,
Your Humble Servant,
Nfubi Kwaadutu
From: DR DAVID SPIFF Sent: Friday, February 15, 2002 5:58 PM To: nfubi@magellan's-log.com
Subject: IMPORTATION INTENT
Fax: 234 1 7597517
Dear Sir,
REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP. Firstly I must solicit your strictest
confidence in this subject. This is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential
and top secret. A member of the Nigeria Export Promotion Council (N.E.P.C.) who was part
of the federal government delegation to your country during a trade exhibition gave your
particulars to me. I have decided to seek a confidential operation with you in the
execution of the deal described hereunder for the benefit of all the parties and hope that
you keep it top secret because of the nature of the business.
Within the ministry of petroleum resources where I work as a director of engineering
and projects, and with the co-operation of four other very top officials, we have under
our control as overdue contract payments, bills totaling Thirty One Million United States
Dollars, which we want to transfer to a foreign account, with the assistance and
co-operation of a foreign company to receive the said funds on our behalf or a reliable
foreign individual account to receive the funds.
The source of the fund is as follows: during the last military government here in
Nigeria which lasted bout eleven months, government officials set up companies and awarded
themselves various contracts which were grossly over-invoiced in various ministries. The
present civilian government is not aware of the atrocities committed by their predecessors
and as a result, we have a lot of such over invoiced contract payment s pending which we
have identified floating at the central bank of Nigeria ready for payment. However by
virtue of our position as civil servants, we cannot acquire this money in our names. I was
therefore delegated as a matter of urgency by my colleagues to look for an over seas
partner into whose account we would transfer the sum of US$31,000,000.00 (THIRTY ONE
MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) hence we are writing you this letter.
Since the present civilian government is determined to pay foreign contractors all
debts owed so as to maintain an amiable relationship with foreign governments and
non-government financial agencies. We have decided to include our bills for approval with
the co-operation of some officials of the federal ministry of finance (F.M.F) and the
central bank of Nigeria (C.B.N). We are seeking your assistance in providing us with a
good company account or any other offshore bank account into which we can remit this money
by acting our main partner and trustee or acting as the original contractor. This we can
do by swapping of account information and changing of beneficiary and other pertinent
information to apply for payment. By this act, we would be using your company information
to apply for payment, and prepare letters of claim and job description on behalf of your
company. This process would be an internal arrangement with the departments concerned.
I have the authority of my partners involved to propose that should you be willing to
assist us in this transaction, your share as compensation will be us$6.2 million (20%),
us$21.7 million (70%) for us and us$3.1 (10%) for taxation and miscellaneous expenses.
The business itself is 100% safe, provided you treat it with utmost secrecy and
confidentiality. Also your area of specialization is not a hindrance to the successful
execution of this transaction. I have reposed my confidence in you and hope that you will
not disappoint me. You may Fax your response to my home fax: 234 1 7597517 to indicate
your willingness in assisting us. I will bring the complete picture of the transaction to
your knowledge when I have heard from you.
Thanks for your co-operation,
Yours faithfully,
Dr Spiff
Editor's Reply:
Nfubi, Nfubi. we know that you live in a developing country. But we also know that
N'Djamena is not without Internet and satellite connections to the larger world. Surely
you have noted something about the collapse of a company called "Enron."
If you will recall, the editorial offices of Magellan's Log are
located in Houston, which happens also to be the headquarter city of "Enron."
Even in the "Enron" stories that will have made their way to Chad, surely you
will also have noticed that the magnitude of this corporate collapse is such that one
NEVER speaks in terms of "millions" of dollars. The operative term, when talking
about what was up for grabs by the "Enron" "executives," is always,
always "BILLIONS."
And yet here you come (with, I know, the best of developing- country
intentions) giving us a chance to clear a mere $6.2 MILLION tax-free. To pick up on your
tuber trope: Those may be big potatoes in central Africa, Nfu, but in properly developed
environs such as Texas, $6.2 million is not much more than a cold order of pommes
frites from MacDonald's.
END
To List of All Chad Reports
Back to Magellan's
Log 50
Magellan's
Log front page
Send this page to a friend.
|
