Magellan's Log Rent-a-UFO impresses a night audience.

As a thinking American, you of course have no doubt the reality of Roswell. You yourself have never seen a UFO but you listen to Art Bell every night and you have used your well-honed rationality to conclude that abductees are telling the truth. You can quote chapter and verse from Whitley Strieber’s books. Crop circles? Cattle mutilations? Abominable snowpersons? You BELIEVE.

You have however learned the hard way to keep your trap shut around co-workers, co-worshippers, and even people you thought were good friends. Except for a select few, they are seem so hard-headed, so arrogantly skeptical, so—there’s not other word for it—downright crazy not to believe there’s plenty of weird stuff going on.

We at Magellan’s Log are aware that the world can become a lonely place for the small minority who have seen the truth while the other sheep just keep on following the media flock.

But what’re you going to do, if people won’t use their minds to realize we’re being visited every night by aliens who clearly don’t have our best interests at heart?

Having wrestled with this problem ourselves, we have come up with a low-cost effective solution:

The Magellan’s Log
Rent-a-UFO Plan.

For a low, low subscription rate of only $29.95 a month (24-month minimum subscription required) you can become a member of our True Believer Club with ALL rights and privileges:

1.
Monthly, at a time and place that you designate, we will arrange a sighting that we guarantee will knock the skeptical socks off all of your skeptical friends and neighbors. Our rentable, amazingly authentic-looking "UFO" will hover for a minimum of 20 minutes at your designated location. Its flashing lights and slow rotation will wow even the most hardened unbelievers (see photo above). The phosphorescent UFO image on our large, 20-foot-diameter black, helium-filled balloon has been repeatedly photographed in a highly convincing manner. More than a few of the pictures on various UFO web sites are in fact of the Magellan’s Log balloon. (For a minimal extra charge of $9.95 per month we will include intermittent projections of tiny moving figures which appear to be staring out of the UFO windows and gesturing in a humorous but spine-chilling fashion to each other.)

2.
You may choose to have a friend or neighbor visited by our three highly trained, utterly intimidating "Men In Black." These expert, paranoia-inducing individuals—one a former Army Ranger, another a former Navy Seal, and the third an ex-KGB agent—will send many a shiver down the spines of your designated encounterees.

3.
You will receive our monthly newsletter, Aliens and other Non-Christians in Our Midst, not available on any newsstand and chock full of the latest from the wild and wonderful world of the weird.

4.
For each member of your trusting family you will receive an attractive "I’m a True Believer" pin or broach, its shape an attractive reproduction in 100%-pure titanium-like Canadian aluminium of one of the small artifacts recovered at the Roswell site. You will of course want to wear this identifying insignia often and proudly since it will enable you to show your true rationalist colors and also easily spot other True Believers even in the most crowded conditions.

Here’s a small sample of what excited and gratified members of the True Believers Club are saying:

"Excuse my language but when the Magellan’s Log UFO appeared last week outside the front porch of our preacher, he literally sh-- his pants. His sermon yesterday was so full of talk about God’s mysterious plans for humanity that he didn’t have time so say word one in praise about George W. Bush or Donald Rumsfeld. Keep up the good work!"
                                                         —T.W., Mobile, Alabama.

"Although I knew it was just your big black balloon thing, it looked plenty real to me a couple of nights ago when it came into view just when our union picnic was winding down out by Lake Massahatchett. Several people had their digital cameras with them so I know word is going to spread. Thank you for your invaluable service."
                                                         —P.H., Hartford, CT.

"I didn’t think you guys would be able to pull off your promised UFO over People’s Park in Berkeley as I had requested, but you sure did it. You never had a more chemically receptive audience of geeks, aging hippies, and anti-globalists. You got their attention but good!"
                                                         —T.V.B., Oakland, CA.

"I had grown bored with my long-time companion but was at a loss as to how to end the relationship. Then I chanced upon your site and immediately subscribed. When the three awesome Magellan’s Log Men in Black appeared at our door the other night, my companion infarcted bigtime right then and there. Thanks to Magellan’s Log I’m now once again foot-loose and fancy-free."
                                                         —C.R., Chicago, IL.

For a confidential application form, send an email in which you explain in 25 words or less why you feel you should be accepted for membership in the True Believers to: