Near the top of any What's Not News List re the Internet would be the popularity of porn, webwise. Daily, millions seek out cyberskin and do whatever they do with it. As is also well-known, one thing humans delight in, though they're often not very good at it, is the making of judgments. This is good, that's bad. This tendency results in the annual imposition of awards in many fields of endeavor: the Nobels, the Oscars, the Emmies, the Clios, etc. The skin trade both off and on the Net has its own various awards: Best Film with Intromission Using Scented Lubricant, Best Performance by a Trans-gendered Filipino of Chinese Extraction, and so on. What's missing from the brave new world of online porn, and it is an omission that we are about to correct, is thoughtful, insightful critical judgments and awards for the best of the many skin photos on the Internet. Hundreds of millions of eyes every day seek out these photos. Many of the lustful eyes actually pay for the privilege, though of course many others find plenty to satisfy themselves freebie-wise. But who is sorting the lubricious wheat from the chaff? Nobody. Until now.
Unnaive as I am, I'm aware that most, probably all, of our staff members spend a certain amount of their work day cruising the Internet for sexpot sexshots. Which is fine by me, as long as they get their assigned quota of timeless satire, sharp cultural analysis, and stirring multimedia features in on time. [Full disclosure: We're big on privacy around here, which means we abhor and abjure any corporate snooping into the browsing habits of our staffers.] Having noticed the lack of awards for specific Internet porn photos, we decided to draw on the staff's extensive experience in this area and present such awards for the first time in the history of the World-wide Web. With considerable pride, I present to Magellan's Log readers, our own lauding of licentiousness, our lavishing of praise on pixellated lewdness: THE RANDY'S After numerous staff meetings, we came up with seven categories in which awards seemed worthwhile: best organ (male), best organ (female), best secondary sexual sharacteristics (male), best secondary sexual characteristics (female), best intromission (male-female), best intromission (male-male), best fricative activity. Obviously, we're leaving out a lot of variants, each of which has its own avid global audience. Perhaps next year, for the Second Annual Randy's, we will find it desirable to expand the list. For now you'll have to content yourself with this rather limited range of choices. Each staff member was allowed to nominate one online photo in each category. These were then emailed back and forth, with much not always polite or even repeateable commentary. Votes were cast and re-cast, and the day finally came when we had winnowed several hundred nominees down to the winners. Which we now present to a waiting, lubricious world. WARNING No. 1 WARNING No. 2 The 2001 Randy's 1. Best Organ (male)
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2001 Texas Chapbook Press
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