Thanks a lot, Dubya!
by Ora Shay, Token Staff Republican

Ed. Note: Because of the notoriously progressive political slant of Magellan's Log, the only way Ms. Shay would agree to grace our pages with her opinions was a contractual agreement that we accept and print her columns WITHOUT EDITING. Thus, what you read here is exactly what Ms. Shay wrote, complete with her own, um, stylistic quirks.

What a burden Governor Bush carried with him as he boarded Air Force One and flew from Texas to our nation's capital. Probably not since Rutherford B. Hayes made his way to Washington has our nation been in such dire need of the restorative hand of a great leader.

Think about the tasks facing the soon-to-be President Bush the Younger:

cleansing the White House of the many stains of moral impurity left
   behind by its previous occupant,
restoring the faith of the citizens of America in the wisdom of its
   corporate and financial leaders as the country plunged into both a
   recession and an energy crisis (fruit of the bitter seeds planted in
   eight years of hedonistic, nearly pagan presidential politics),
bringing a sense of clear-cut purpose and sound family and political
   values back to a judicial system almost corrupted by too many years
   of me-too cronyism blind to the God-inspired intent of the original
   Founding Fathers.
cleaning up the filth besmirching America's great contribution to world
   culture, the Internet,
protecting the great, new companies behind the Technology
   Revolution from the smarmy, grasping clutches of the closet-socialists
   in the Clinton so-called Justice Departmnent,
and last but far from least restoring the hallowed rights of copyright
   and artistic ownership on the part of the creators of another of
   America's great gifts to global culture: popular music.

Blessed with the wisdom of countless years of Cold War experience from his father's closest advisers, all of whom were originally inspired to public service by the great, sadly almost late, Reagan himself, the young new president arrived in D.C. on that crisp yet cool day in January, laid his hand on the Holy Book, smiled graciously at his always-lustful predecessor standing shamelessly nearby, and took the stirring oath of office, having already clapped his trusty second-in-command Dick Cheney on his sturdy, cardiac-arrested back as he too was happily sworn in.

Who, back during those awful, acrimonious nights in Florida and that terrible weekend of waiting, waiting, waiting for Our Highest Court to find a way forward toward Truth and Justice for those trusting citizens who had seen hope in the bright eyes of this young man and had voted for him... who would have believed that out of those perilous days so much goodness could now have come?

Faced with the innumerable challenges enumerated above, our ingratiating new leader with his winning, all-conquering smile and his undisingenuous way with words has already set the nation on a new course of liberty, justice, and the American way.

What specifically has he done?

He convinced a riven Congress to pass the largest tax cut in history, and one which is not only big but which will benefit most those who need  and deserve it the most.

Thanks a lot, Dubya!

He through exhausting travels has drawn us irreparably closer to various critically important geopolitical allies, from Mexico, to Spain, to Belgium, to Sweden, and climatically, to Poland.

Thanks a lot, Dubya!

He has stood up in no certain terms to the only remaining bully big enough to cause us any trouble by convincing the Chinese that just because one of our crippled war planes enters Chinese air space is no reason to get all bent out of shape.

Thanks a lot, Dubya!

He has put before Congress a coherent national energy plan, the now well-known "Drill and Burn and Cool Plan" which will assure for the next century warm homes in the cold states and cool homes in the warm states along with plenty of gas for all citizens to drive whatever kind of vehicle their American freedom of choice makes them decide to purchase.

Thanks a lot, Dubya!

He quickly, quietly, and efficiently buried the plan touted so much in the campaign to allow citizens to invest part of their Social Security in the once-burgeoning but now somewhat troubled stock market.

Thanks a lot, Dubya!

He beamed proudly as one of his two lovely daughters proved that tolerance is still part of the Grand Old Party by frequenting both straight and gay bars in Austin.

Thanks a lot, Dubya! We can hardly wait to see what you'll come up with next!

END

Ora's Other Output:
Shay No.1: Thanks a Lot, Dubya!
Shay No. 2: Just Say No to Tasteless Dubya Jokes
Shay No. 3: Attaboy, 43!
Shay No. 4: Midland's Own Boy George
Shay No 5: Noblesse Oblige in the Permian Basin
Shay No. 6: Oil Patch Sage
Shay No. 7: Soft Talk
Shay No. 8: Ta-ta, La-la Land!
Shay No. 9: An Open Letter to Saddam Hussein

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