Magellan's Log: Bulletin from Chad!

No. 4 in an On-going Series

Bulletin from Chad!
"Appalled, but Innocent," Says Harris

Ed. Note: Reacting swiftly to the unpleasant events unfolding in the Congo, as described in the AP story quote below, our man in Chad, went to the horse's mouth to get the truth. His report follows the AP excerpt.

Congo president reportedly shot dead
By ARNAUD ZAJTMAN

Jan. 16, 2001 | KINSHASA, Congo (AP) -- President Laurent Kabila was shot during an attempted coup on Tuesday, senior Congo officials said, and the Belgian government reported that the embattled leader was dead.

Belgian Foreign Ministry spokesman Koen Vervaeke said from Brussels that "two sources, of whom we are 100 percent certain" said Kabila had been killed during the intense 30-minute shooting at his palatial residence in the capital...

Dear Magellan's Log Readers,

You may have learned of the terrible above-referenced event already. Ambassador Harris has asked me to assure you that she was in no way involved in this incident, and that she has an absolutely watertight alibi -- she was at the embassy that you were so kind to publish my photographs of, for Magellan's Log, engaged in vigorous diplomatic intercourse and discussing affairs of state with Jeb Bush, the President-elect's smarter brother, and our own President Bouche, behind closed doors in an intense three-way high-level colloquium, which Mme Harris described as an "around-the-world" discussion.

I realize that the previous sentence is very awkwardly constructed, but it was written under extreme deadline pressure, and I am terribly upset that idle wagging-tongue gossips (we call them "khoursbier", or, literally "ugly and vile-smelling yellow-spotted tree-snakes who infest the fetid suburban river-bottom garbage-dumps" here in Chad) could put such an outrageous idea into the heads of so many central Africans. Ms. Harris has also asked me to assure you that each of the colloquiumists is prepared to vouch for the other two under oath.

                                       Agitatedly,
                                       Your faithful correspondent,
                                       Nfubi Kwaadutu
(or whatever my name is -- please check the proper spelling, because I'm very upset, and there is no Prozac to be found in my impoverished nation.)

P.S. -- Ms. Harris Has just phoned and asked me to pose the following questions to you --

Why would she wish to shoot the leader of a nation to which she is
      not the Ambassador? That's someone else's job, isn't it?
Exactly what would she, or her political party, or the U.S.
     government, or western business interests, gain by doing that,
     anyway?
How could she have done it if she was in another country at the
      time as confirmed by two reliable witnesses of the highest rank
      who are prepared to testify under oath?
And finally, have you ever heard of the concept of diplomatic
      immunity?

I find all these points cogent and highly convincing, and I'm sure
that you will, too. -- N.K.

END

Further Reading:
You can find all of Mr. Kwaadutu's reports from Chad here. And our photo essay, to which Mr. Kwaadutu refers, is here.

To List of All Chad Reports

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