Tasteless Jokes 25

Rhyme and Punishment
As the flow of her menses demanded,
The nun to her room was remanded,
But her character, sainted,
Was found to be tainted
When the prioress caught her red-handed.


What Would She Do for a Rolls?
A small boy woke up in the middle of the night when he heard strange noises from his parents' room, and he decided to investigate. As he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mother and father making very active love. "DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing?"

"It's ok," his father replied. "Your mother wants a baby, that's all."

The boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face.

Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving oral gratification to his father.

"DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing now?"

"Son, there's been a change of plan," his father replied. "Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW."


Smart Polly
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word.

This went on for several days. After a week the parrot finally said: "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"


Quickie
Q: A bird can do two things a man can’t: fly, and?
A: Whistle through its pecker.


Lagging Up
A man is stranded on a deserted island, all alone for ten years. One day a gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit arrives at the island. She comes up to the chap and she says, "How long has it been since you had a cigarette?" "Ten years!" he answers. She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asks, "How long has it been since you had a whisky? He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a bottle of malt whisky and gives
it to him. He takes a long swallow and says, "Wow, this is fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you had some real fun?"

And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me that you got golf clubs in there!"


No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts on its way again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how to get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie, of course, says that he would love to know,
so that bus driver tells him that every Tuesday at midnight, the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the Lord. "If you dress up in robes and use some glowing powder," the bus driver said, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you!"

The hippie agrees that this is a great idea, so he decides to try it out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. And right on schedule, the nun shows up. When she is in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of God. "I am God. I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, but you must have sex with me first." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so that she might keep her virginity.

The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun. After he finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts, "Ha, Ha! I'm not God, I'm a hippie!" The nun replies by ripping off her mask and shouting, "Ha, Ha! I'm not the nun, I'm the bus driver!!!

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