When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don’t know, this is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sits and waits for an answer. It takes a couple of months. While they are waiting, they discuss whether or not they should married, what with the eternal aspect of it all.

"What if it doesn’t work?" they wondered, are we stuck together forever?

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What’s wrong?" asks the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?!"

The Professional Approach
A psychiatrist has just gotten a big grant to study his hypothesis that dogs not only look like their owners, they take on the actions of their owners, too. So he sets up a little observation room with a two-way mirror where he can look into the main room to study his subjects.

He starts down the list alphabetically. First, he’s going to watch an accountant’s dog. In the main room, he lays out a pile of dog biscuits and scurries into the observation room. The accountant’s dog comes in the main room. He sees the dog biscuits. At first, he just studies the dog biscuits, but after awhile, he sits down in front of the dog biscuits and begins counting each one. After he counts them, he divides them evenly into two piles and recounts each pile twice, to be sure. Then he declares a dividend.

The psychiatrist is ecstatic! He can hardly wait to see what the next dog will do. The next dog is an architect’s dog. He comes in the room and sees the piles of dog biscuits and knocks them down. Then he starts building things from the dog biscuits. First, he builds a little building out a few of the biscuits, then he builds a skyscraper. Then he starts making little bridges and landscaping around the buildings.

The psychiatrist can barely contain his excitement! He’s jumping up and down in the observation room. Next up is the attorney’s dog. The attorney’s dog gets there an hour late. He strolls casually into the room, and looks around. Presently, he eats all the dog biscuits, screws the other two dogs, and takes the rest of the day off.

Inspiration
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are outstanding in their field."

The Big Guy Meets His Match
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They’re up in heaven, and God’s sitting on the great white throne. God addressed Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replied, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we’ll all die." God thinks for a second and said "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people’s pain." God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then addressed Bill Gates. "Bill Gates, what do you believe?"

Bill Gates said, "I believe you’re in my chair."

The World's First Smart Blonde Joke
A blonde walks into a New York City Bank and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says he will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a brand new Porsche parked out the front of the bank.

With the title and paper work all checked out, the bank agrees to accept the car as security for the loan.

The loan officer drives the new Porsche into the bank’s underground garage and park’s it there.

Two week’s later the blonde returns, repays the $5,000’s she loaned, and $15.40 interest that accumulated. The loan officer approaches the blonde and says "We here at the bank are very happy that this transaction has worked out, but while you were away, I checked you out, and I’m a little puzzled. I found out that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles me is why you would bother to borrow $5,000.

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

Setting an Example
A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we’re going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.