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Tasteless Jokes 16


Truth Meter
A mother and father took their six-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had breasts bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why.

She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

The boy, pleased with the answer, went to play in the ocean but returned to tell his mother that many of the men had larger "things" than his dad's.

His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returned to the ocean to play. Soon, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."


Labor-saving Device
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away. He decided to test it on himself first.

He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and voilą, everything else was automatic!! He had a really good time as the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, he found that he could not take the instrument off.

He read the manual, but did not find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument. Some made the equipment squeeze, shake, or suck harder or less, but none of them let go of his organ.

Panicking, he called the manufacturer’s customer service hotline. "I just bought a milking machine from your company. It worked fantastic. But how do I take it off from the cow’s udder?"

To which the customer service rep replied, "Don’t worry. The machine was programmed such that it will release automatically after collecting about 2 liters of milk."


Quickies
Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: How do you circumcize a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.

Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.


Classical Countdown
When Beethoven died, he was buried with much fanfare in a Vienna churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard strange noises coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint but unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

Though everyone thought it strange, they went away. Next day, the drunk was passing by the cemetery, and heard more sounds. He got help again, and the magistrate said, "Oh, that's Beethoven's Eighth Symphony being played backwards."

Same thing happened for several days, and they finally got to Beethoven's First Symphony being played backwards. "What's going on here, Father?" the drunk asked the priest.

The priest looked thoughtful and said, "I believe I now understand, my son. There's nothing to worry about. It's only Beethoven decomposing."

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