Tasteless Jokes 14

Out of the Mouths of Babes
A four-year-old boy asked his five-year-old friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad. That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his five year old son and with his penis in hand said, "Son this is a penis. In fact, if you take a good look you will see this is a perfect penis."

The next day the five-year-old boy met his four-year-old friend and called him behind a hedge. The boy exposed himself and said, "This is a penis. In fact, if it were three inches shorter it would be a perfect penis!"


Legal Priorities
A very successful LA lawyer parked his brand-new Ferrari in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out of the car, a truck came along and completely tore off the driver's door of the Ferrari.

The counselor immediately grabbed his cell telephone, dialed 911, and it was not more than 5 minutes before a police officer pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Ferrari, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it like new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Didn't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? .....It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

" My God!" screamed the lawyer...."Where's my Rolex?"


Quickies
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her last blow job.

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.

Q. Why does the Navy allow the Marines aboard their ships?
A. Sheep would be too obvious.

Q: Why do men name their penis?
A: They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions.


The Dangers of Zoophilia
Joe was walking down the street when he passed a good looking woman and became incredibly horny. He went to the nearest whorehouse and said, "I need release but I have only got 5 dollars, can you help me?"

The Madam led him to a room and took his money. When he entered the room all he found there was a goat. Joe thought to himself, "Hey, it's better than nothing," so he proceeded to fuck the goat and left feeling quite satisfied.

The next week Joe came back to the whorehouse and told the Madam that this week he had 10 dollars to spend. The Madam led him into a room with three other guys. He sat down and a velvet curtain opened. He saw two women behind glass having sex with each other, seemingly unaware of the men who were watching.

Joe leaned over to the man next to him and said, "Wow, this is a good show for only 10 bucks!"

The man leaned back over and said, "This is nothing, last week, we saw some guy fuck a goat."


Idiomatic Behavior
One little boy was 8 yrs old when his parents decided to have him circumcised. A few days later the boy went back to school.

After about an hour the pain was really starting to bother him so he asked if he could see the school nurse. He went to see her but was too embarrassed to tell her what the problem was. She suggested that he call his Mom and see if she could come get him. The nurse waited in the other room while the boy made the call.

A few minutes later the little boy came out and started walking back to class, but the nurse noticed that his penis was hanging out of his pants. She said "Johnny, what are you doing? You can't walk around like that."

He replied "Well I told my Mom how much I hurt and she said that if I could just stick it out till lunchtime she would come pick me up then"


Shorthorned
A Texan bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing 20 pounds. Everybody congratulated him and drank up.

Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked him "Aren't you the father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 20 pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"

The answer was 10 pounds. The bartender said, "Why, what happened?"

"He did weigh 20 pounds." The proud Texas father said. "But we just had him circumcised."


Post-mature Ejaculation
A ninety-year-old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy-year-old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink.

As evening progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment, where they got it on.

Four days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently. The old man said, "Sure!" The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived.

"Sure, why?" "Well you'd better get over there, you're about to cum!"


Ms. Congeniality
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are riding in an elevator from the 14th floor to the lobby. The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a cum stain." The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a cum stain," she says. The blonde leans over and tastes the spot, then says, "Well, it's nobody from this building."

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