Petrofina-Blavatsky, Staff Psychic
Not that geographic location is important any more, we were intrigued by the range of home bases among our applicants: two from Marin County (no surprise there), three from Los Angeles, two from Florida, and then the rest of the planet checked in, with representatives from Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Gabon, Okinawa, Adelaide, Santiago, and the Seychelles, all eager to help our readers with their varied psychic needs. There being no SAT for psychics, we decided the only way to make a decision was to go with the old flow. We printed the applications, went to a nearby stairway, and hurled the stack downward. The person whose page landed on the lowest step would be our new psychic advisor to the metaphysically challenged. Thus, we are pleased to introduce to you, Mme. Anna-Magdalena Petrofina-Blavatsky (no relation, she says, to the Malaysian Petrofina's). Her vita includes two stints in Lhasa, where, disguised as the maitresse d'hotel in the Holiday Inn, she of an evening crept off for secret instruction with an only semi-incarnate monk; six months at Esalen, where she worked her way up from chambermaid to chief hot springs towel person, using her spare time to lurk outside of and eavesdrop on innumerable encounter groups; a year as charperson in the offices of the Society for Psychical Research in London where after hours she made frequent use of the very Quija board on which Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's fingers rested so many times; a futile year hanging out at various places along the Arizona- Mexico border trying to make contact with Carlos Casteneda's Don Juan; and finally--her most helpful experience, she says--two years with a 1-900 psychic hotline based in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Impressed that the gravity god had seen fit to
plunge Mme. Petrofina-Blavatksy's application to the lowest step, we hired her and
immediately gave her her first assignment: to come up with what she felt would be the
seven most common questions our readers would have, and then to formulate appropriate,
psychically tuned answers. Here are her questions. Click on each to see her answers. 1. What kind of day will I have
tomorrow?
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128 pages of the best satire
from 6 years of Magellan's Log. Well beyond chortles, Is It
Empire Yet? verges on the downright hilarious. "Swiftian," says
one reader. "Rib-splitting," says another. "Brilliantly, uproariously
offensive to all right-thinking Republicans," says yet another. 128 pp. Paperback.
8.5" x 11". ISBN 0-9767821-3-8. $21.95:
Since Magellan's Log tries to cover so many
cultural bases, it struck us recently that there was one missing, that of staff psychic.
We let word get out that we would be hiring and were quickly inundated by inquiries.