Tasteless Jokes 12

The End
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to learn about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the children to give their reports, the teacher called on them one at a time. She was reluctant to ask little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnnie walked up the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. The teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It’s a period," said Johnnie.

"Well I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

Bob & Elizabeth
An old man got up out of his rocking chair one morning and put on his coat. His wife asked him "Where are you going?"

"To the doctor," he answered."

"You sick?" asked his wife.

"Nope," said the old man, "I’m going to get me some of them Viagra pills."

With that his wife jumped out of her rocker and put on her sweater. "Where are you going?" the old man asked her.

"I’m going with you to the doctor."

"Why?" he asked.

"If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m getting a tetanus shot"

Baring All
A housewife has a lover during the day while her husband is at work. While this takes place she locks her 8-year-old son in the bedroom closet. One day her husband comes home while the lover is there so she locks her lover in the same closet with the boy.

They stand in the gloom for a while, then the boy says, "Dark in here."

"Yes it is."

"I have a baseball."

"That’s nice."

"Wanna buy it?"

"No."

"My dad’s out there."

"OK, I’ll buy it. How much?"

"$25."

"Gee. OK, I’ll buy it."

A week later the man is over again. The boy is locked in the closet again. The father comes home again. The man is locked in the closet with the boy again. They stand in the gloom until the boy says, "Dark in here."

"Yes, it is."

"I have a baseball glove."

"That’s nice.

"Wanna buy it?"

Remembering the previous week, the man says, "How much this time?"

"$75."

"Fine."

The following weekend the father says to the boy, "Son, go get your ball and glove and let’s play some catch."

"I can’t dad. I sold them."
"Really? For how much?"

"$100."

"Son, you shouldn’t rip your friends off like that. We didn’t pay anywhere near that for those items. I’m taking you to the priest and I want you to confess to him."

They go to the church to the confessional. The boy goes in and sits down. The little door opens so the priest can hear his confession.

"What is your sin, my son?"

"Dark in here."

"Don’t start that shit again."

To Each His Own
A guy walks into a bar and sees a big jar crammed full of money, at least $25,000. He asks the bartender, "What’s up with the jar?"

The bartender replies, "It’s the prize for the contest we’re having."

"What’s the contest?"

"First," the bartender says, pointing to the biggest guy in the place, "you have to go over there and lay him out with one punch. Then, down in the storeroom, there’s a pit bull with a gold molar and you have to extract it. Finally, across the street is an 80-year-old woman who hasn’t had an orgasm in 65 years. You have to give her one. Do all that and the money is yours."

"Okay," the guy says, "I can do that." He takes a deep breath and summons all his strength. He goes over to the big guy, takes a mighty swing and lays him out with one punch. Feeling good, the guy then proceeds down to the store room. For the next half hour, all that can be heard is barking, screaming, growling, and intense shrieks of pain. At last, the guy returns, though somewhat bloodied and with his clothes torn to pieces.

"Okay, now," says the guy, "where’s that woman with the gold tooth?"

All That Glitters
And then there was the woman with recurring green spots on her thighs. Doctor after doctor was unable to help her. Finally one smart specialist examined her and said, "You have a Gypsy lover?" The woman said, "Yes." The doctor looked at her and said, "His earrings aren't real gold."

Redneck Corner
Q: How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says, "Go right ahead."


Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? They want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.


An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout what?"


Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.


A new law recently passed in North Carolina. When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.


Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says,"Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"

"Jus' some chickens."

"If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?"

"Shoot, ya guess right and I'll give you both of them."

"OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"


A Mississippian came home and found his house on fire, he rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't y'all still have those big red trucks?"


Why do people in Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more? Because 17 and under are not admitted.

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