Click the number to see the icon.

1.
Icon for program which removes five of the 63,000 bugs in the released version.

2.
Icon for program showing your probable condition after Excel running under the new Windows finishes recalculating an 8-cell spread sheet.

3.
Click this icon under the new Windows and you receive a direct, live chat link to Microsoft's much-touted Creative Innovation Department.

4.
Icon enabling you to bypass the dreaded ctrl-alt-del reboot sequence. This one Microsoft is especially proud of, raising its level of subtle, sophisticated, delicate hard-drive handling to new heights.

5.
Icon (which is actually a portrait of the seven people who together write ALL Help programs for ALL Microsoft products) takes you to the Help file for the new Windows. Occupying 13.2 gigabytes, the file is cleverly deceptive. Using the Latin alphabet and seemingly familiar words, it appears to be written in English. However, extensive testing has revealed that no speaker (native or otherwise) can makes heads nor tails of it.

6.
Icon to connect you to the Microsoft Customer Relations Group, recently downsized in a cost-cutting measure to pay the legal fees incurred by the little problem with the Justice Department. It is in fact no longer a "group", unless you consider one person a group.

7.
Icon which connects you to the sub-sub-sub-basement mentioned above, allowing you to check to see if your name has been flagged as an anti-Microsoftist.

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