The George W. Bush Presidential Library and Imperial Trinket Repository
Ninth Ward, New Orleans, Lousiana. Note: While the structure is drawn to scale (792 feet from the base to the top of the "W"), the reader should bear in mind that once the burnt-orange pyramid is complete, it will be surrounded by a massive parking lot which will neatly obliterate all remaining unsightly traces of the Ninth Ward.
(Architect's Rendering.)

Press Release

George W. Bush Presidential Library
and Imperial Trinket Repository
Site Selection Committee

The George W. Bush Presidential Library Site and Imperial Trinket Repository Selection Committee announced today that after months of discussion the location for The George W. Bush Presidential Library Site and Imperial Trinket Repository (GWBPLSITR) has been chosen.

It was well-known (see earlier press release) that the final list of candidates consisted of the following:

The Committee visited and examined in detail each of the above sites and was impressed by the hospitality and openness that greeted its presence.

Sadly, it soon became clear that, given the scale of the proposed library, none of the final candidates could provide either the land or the infrastructure necessary for the repository of the George W. Bush Papers, Memorabilia, and Official Travel and Junket Souvenirs.

On the verge of re-opening the nomination process and starting from scratch, the Committee was pleased, at the last minute, to receive a creative suggestion from Committee Member in Absentia, the Formerly Hon. Tom DeLay. Though Mr. DeLay currently resides at an undisclosed Federal Location, he was able to communicate with us via the Internet.

His suggestion was met with an IMMEDIATE AND UNANIMOUS response of approval by the full Committee.

It is thus that we with pride and humility announce that the George W. Bush Memorial Library and Imperial Trinket Repository will be located in…

the Ninth Ward of New Orleans, Louisiana!

In fact, the George W. Bush Memorial Library and Imperial Trinket Repository will BE the Ninth Ward, as will become apparent upon examination of the hitherto top-secret design of the George W. Bush Memorial Library and Imperial Trinket Repository (see architect's rendering above).

We can do no better than to quote directly the Formerly Hon. Mr. DeLay’s arguments:

"As we all know, much of the City of New Orleans lies in ruins today, which, as with all Mysterious Acts of God, is nobody’s fault. It is up to us humble human beings to deal with reality as the Deity sees fit to give it to us. The Ninth Ward of the City of New Orleans, especially, is beyond redemption as a viable neighborhood, what with it being below sea level and all and especially what with it being previously occupied mostly by persons who for one reason or another just never got with the program of Late-Capitalist Compassionate Conservatism.

"What this means is, we have hundreds of acres—easily enough to accommodate the George W. Bush Memorial Library and Imperial Trinket Repository—going to waste near the heart of one of the most vital, vibrant and important American cities. By siting the Library and Repository there, we not only bring this vital area of this vital city back to life, we also turn a tragedy of nature into a monument and memorial tribute both to the thousands who died there and to the President who rushed to their aid and who, after the storm, stood shoulder to shoulder with survivors in dozens of press conferences.

"Having, as an in-absentia Committee Member, been privy to the design details of the Library and Repository, I would also point out that the proposed structure is of a size and shape that it will easily withstand any future natural disasters which the Deity, in His Infinite and Mysterious Wisdom, sees fit to visit upon the Ninth Ward."

As has so often been the case in the career of the Formerly Hon. Tom DeLay, his arguments were basically unanswerable. As already noted, the Committee embraced his suggestion unanimously.

Construction will begin immediately upon the clearing and leveling of the Ninth Ward.

For further information, contact:

     Mrs. Karl Rove, Corresponding Secretary
     George W. Bush Presidential Library and Imperial
        Trinket Repository Site Selection Committee
     1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
     Washington, D.C. 20500