A door to the
possibility The perception of abuse, neglect, unfairness by one's parent(s) leaves lasting, sometimes disabling scars. Such scars are often resistant to therapy, either do-it-yourself therapy, or professional help. What to do?
A possible strategy, one that's worked for me. It basically consists of allowing the possibility that a parent was simply overwhelmed by the world, or by some aspect of the world. Gender roles seem to be the most common problem. A father overwhelmed by the received masculine role expected of him, or the mother overwhelmed by the received feminine role expected of her. Given difficult surroundings (poverty, war, famine, zealotry…), the role can be just too much. Result: an anger-filled, hate-filled, violence-filled turning inward, desperately trying to shut out and thus in some sense control the world. Shut in, the person then has little room for maneuvering, little ability to contact others constructively, especially not tiny, babbling, screaming, shitting, totally dependent others. Not to excuse, but at least to understand, and with understanding, to begin to
forgive.
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