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Anthropology 452:
Puzzling Sexual Practices

by Doc Cuddy

One of our staffers, who wishes to remain nameless, found the three photos above on a Japanese site. The pictures, if you examine them closely, are filled with fascinating but strangely opaque detail. What IS going on here with the fancy walkway ribbons in the right shot, the traditional (?) costume that suddenly appears in the middle shot, TWO cameras, the blue carpet that becomes pink, and on and on??? Is this not the grossest kind of exploitation, we thought. Is this not somehow illegal in Japan?

Bemused but baffled, we forwarded the pictures to a friend who is a tenured anthropology professor at a major university where tenure doesn't come easy. Our request for an explanation produced within minutes the response printed below. In addition to wondering about the pictures, now we're wondering about the tenure system at major American universities:

     She: Hai! Me like see boys jack off.
     Guys: Panties too hot! Make drop tiny
                inadequate diaper briefs!
     She: Ooh! Too hot! Sexy boys!
     Guys: Big tease. Can't get hardon!
                Show more!
     She: Emperor not allow! Long live
             emperor! Dai Nippon!
     Guys: Make pitiful motions anyway
                with tiny limp dicks! Hai!
     She: Ooh! Too hot! Love tease sex many
             boys. Later use tongue sister clit!
             Get off!
     Guys: Ooh! Best sex ever! Get off with
                dry hump! Long live emperor! 
                Dai Nippon!
     She: Eat heart out, western guys pix!
             Hai! Dai Nippon! Hai!

END

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